Back bending into the Future
As I walked through Central Park last week with my toddler Krishna it was a delight to see how the crocuses and daffodils have pushed their way up and out of winter.
March is an exciting month of fresh new growth and transition. Highlighting this vibe of change is the Vernal Equinox which falls on March 20th this year. Depending on where you live in the world on our around this day the sun and the moon's reign in illuminating the sky are somewhat equal in length. As light and darkness transits through balance spring is born in the Northern Hemisphere. Moving forward I'll be eating lunch outside as often as possible plus going through my calender and noting dates as wedding invitations along with other get together invites are adding up.
|To evoke the late winter/early spring Celtic Goddess, Brighid, a triple Goddess who governs over fertility, fire and all things creative like poetry I'm wearing 3 different outfits alongside 3 trees.|
As I hear the kids play outside the promises of summer are stirring within my heart even though some days are so cold that I'm reaching for my coziest of winter's layers to pile on. As we shift from winter to spring my inward eye has been reflecting and remembering my New Year's dream mantra."I don't know how? I don't know when? But I do know what I want is coming to me."
|All my outfits are post yoga class cover ups.|
I'm delighted to realize even though it is only March, I've been shown signs that manifesting my New Year's dreams does work.
Being a busy Mom and wife, getting out and networking with ease doesn't happen much if not at all. Yet without much effort other than following my guidance and not my ego, on second thought not following my ego's wishes is damn hard, the people I've been needing to answer the questions to where I wish to go are showing themselves to me in the marketplace, yoga class and on the street.
|Kimono, vintage Monsoon from London, scarf http://www.zara.com/ stretch jeans http://www.gap.com/ boots http://www.ninewest.com/|
I'm grateful for this and I don't want to lose the ability to attract exactly what I need to grow and learn from. Be it difficult lessons, same old same old boring days as well as blissful occasions. For this reason I'm back to repeating "I don't know how? I don't know when? But I do know what I want is coming to me." Saying and believing undoubtedly in this mantra keeps me open to the mystery ahead.
As I sit with this my inward eye swirls deeper into the past like a spinning purple velvet kaleidoscope. About ten years or more ago I was newly divorced with my first son Ryan. At the time he was Krishna's age, a toddler. No one supported my decision to go solo in fact I was begged not to do so but I knew within my entire being who I was in truth and who I was to be. Unfortunately if I stayed in my first marriage not one seed from my heart's truth could have sprouted. As a result I made my way into the great void of single motherhood.
It was lonely, difficult to be judged and not to mention I worked tirelessly day and night to make it happen. What stands out in this moment is a memory of extreme loneliness where I wished the minutes of the day would go by faster, especially on the weekends while everyone I knew was out and having fun. Once, while sitting at a picnic table while Ryan played beside me on a swing I read "I'm so lonely." carved into the wood. Talk about attracting your thoughts.
|Skirt, vintage Peruna from Marks & Spencer London, puffer jacket http://www.zara.com/ scarf http://www.forever21.com/ gloves New York City street vendor|
To combat all I needed to heal I threw myself deeply into yoga, meditation and all things artistic that struck a heart string within me. Here I became best friends with myself followed by a new life filled with friends, colleagues and lovers. At this point in time I learned via meditation practice how to make my minutes fatter with Ryan.
|Caftan, vintage from India, scarf & gloves New York City street vendor, under shirt http://www.forever21.com/|
With my new found self love and strength came some intense lessons to forge through and learn from. Like the boyfriend that used me for money then disappeared, the business partners that wanted to make something grand but didn't feel to hang in there in addition to paying a large monthly sum for health insurance that refused to cover an important surgery. Although this period was a perfect combination of sorrow and very fun times like traveling on private jets, TV appearances and riding bicycles along the river with Ryan having not a care in the world I moved through it knowing it wasn't forever. I didn't know how? I didn't know when? But I did know I would meet someone great one day, get married again, have another child or two, continue my work with yoga, healing, write and speak candidly about mixing what is mundane in life with what is sacred.
I'm thankful for what I did know back then arrived, albeit with a cast of characters and twists and turns my ego could never have imagined. As I forecast my next chapter the uncertainty of it all makes my curiosity swell.
I believe keeping my heart space open physically by repetitively practicing back bending as seen throughout this post as well as repeating the mantra "I don't know how? I don't know when? But I do know what I want is coming to me." makes me hopeful, gracious to others, feeling the moment at hand and what I deem to be very important open to receive whatever it shall be.
As my new lessons and feelings of bliss, boredom, pain and suffering take on a new dimension the Great Goddess, Mother Earth blossoms into a young maiden. Embodying wonder and hope like a curious teenager I will keep moving towards what I know is true. Doing so I will align my intentions with my husband Amit while the Earth Goddess inspires me as she bonds each day more and more with her youthful lover, the strengthening Sun God.
No one including Mother Earth can grow alone.
In oneness, Happy Spring!